turn off your phone and go to bed
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.