One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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