Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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