I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
