one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
