It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
