My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
