Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i just google imaged poop.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
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I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
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I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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