so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
