Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
