The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
