when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
