i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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