I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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