he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
