I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
