dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I checked into jail on foursquare
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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