I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
