Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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