Where are you?
In a non slutty way
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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