Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
