you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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