Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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