I wish i was in the wii world.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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