yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I AM VODKA MAN
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
