i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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