If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
