I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
