so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
