I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
