I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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