Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
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