Ambien. No doubt about it.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
