maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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