apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
