How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
