i used baking grease as lip gloss
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
