FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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