Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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