pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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