just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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