More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
