she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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