He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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