party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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