i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
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Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
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Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize