You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
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His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
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I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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