I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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