dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
