I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
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