My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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