I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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