you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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