He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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