I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
