If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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