Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
