you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize