Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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