If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
