we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
