we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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