I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
