Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
