i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
